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Funny stories about the Jews

Selection of funny jokes about Jews and Jewish women from Odessa
These Russian stories in English language

Jew comes to the doctor …
— Dear Semyon Markovich , I would like to consult you as a doctor.
— Of course, Sigismund Lazarevic , always at your service . How can I help you?
— You know dear , Semen Markovich … the fact is that every morning at seven o’clock
I chair is regularly …

— Sigismund Lazarevic , but at your age , it’s fine!
— You see, Simon Markovich … I wake up only eight .

By the director of the Odessa Opera House, the visitor comes and offers :
— I have two hundred dollars can massage all of your dancers .
— Have agreed ! Money with you ?

Two neighbor’s yard in Odessa :
— Sofa , like life ?
— Do not ask ! Something recent heart began to play tricks , the pressure lifted , the legs get tired …
— What are you saying? I myself saw how different guys come from you .
— Oh , do not tell ! Only one body healthy, and then all jealous !

— Chaim , you have heard what is being done ? Go for a swim in the sea is dangerous for life! All beaches were closed sanitary and epidemiological station !
— And I even like the fact that they are closed . We swam so yesterday — no one!
— That’s right , tomorrow, and you will not …

Early morning in Odessa quarter . Sleepy porter slowly begins to carry a broom :
— In — Well — Well — Well -ik , in — train rail train uk !
After a while, swings open the window , put out disheveled woman’s head :
— Uncle Yasha ! You stray from the rhythm the whole house !!!
— Oh, sorry , madam ! — Meets a janitor . -In — Zhik ! In — zhik ! In — zhik !

In Odessa, two women meet on Deribasovskaya and other one says:
-Sarochka, Nichego you do not notice?
-What Should I notice?
-I Only that beat at the cosmetician, and mine en posovetoval go without a bra …?
-So You do when you go without a bra, you have wrinkles on his face smoothed out.

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